Today I woke up with the most horrendous hangover with vague memories of angrily stomping around the house, tripping over things (our house is tiny and very cluttered because we don’t have enough space) and slugging my partner’s nice whisky.
Not a good look and, needless to say, I had a pretty angry message waiting for me from said partner on my phone.
I’ve always enjoyed a bevvy. I grew up in the 90s and 00s where drinking culture was huge and was hugely promoted. I loved clubbing and pubbing and, at some stage during my student days, I brought the frivolities home with me to the point where I had a drink pretty much every day whether I was going out or staying in.
Back before lockdown I actually gave up, a period planned to be only 3 months but which continued for around 2 years. Definitely during that time my life was better.
However, in the first lockdown in March 2020, I was furloughed, the weather was nice and I began to enjoy wine in the garden again and I’ve carried on ever since.
I’m not an alcoholic in that I’m not physically addicted to the stuff, but unfortunately, I’m a terrible drunk. I get angry, I get mean, I get nasty and I get horrible hangovers and can lose an entire day to one.
I also never stop at one drink which means I nearly always end up drunk anyway.
Sure it does help me socially, I find it easier to chat to folk but I’m no longer convinced that that merits the other damage drink causes such as heightened anxiety, a beer belly, lack of motivation and the dreaded fear.
I just don’t appear to have the physical constitution to deal with it and it’s most certainly not going to help me be living my best life beyond 40.
So, I’ve decided to stop again. However, this time, I’ve decided to get help along the way and today I referred myself to my local alcohol service.
It’s not something I particularly relish doing and I will not continue if, at any point, I get labelled an alcoholic because:
- I don’t believe I am one – though you could say I have a problem with alcohol
- I feel the label has such negative connotations, I’m not particularly keen to live under that cloud
- I grew up with an alcoholic and am determined that I am not going to be one
So, from this point forwards, I view myself simply as a non drinker and, if there’s help to be had with this, then I will gladly take it.
I look forward to updating you on my progress.
640 Days to 40 